


you told your family for a reason, you couldn’t keep it in

by ocdranboo



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft - Fandom
Genre: Dadza, Father figure Philza, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, TWs in notes section, Tommy POV, Tommy gets a hug, Tommy has wings, good parents, i am not great at writing good parents so i am doing my best here, no beta. no editing. we die like l’manburg- twice., the ending is rushed sorry im tired, this is not my comfort zone, title from champagne problems by taylor swift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29916516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocdranboo/pseuds/ocdranboo
Summary: tommy tells his dad what happened during exile.winged!tommy au
Relationships: TommyInnit & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 88





	you told your family for a reason, you couldn’t keep it in

**Author's Note:**

> tw: emeto mention, self harm mention, wing mutilation, abuse & general exile stuff
> 
> > in this tommy low-key blames himself 4 some of the stuff that happened in exile n i just want 2 say like. that iz not a healthy way of thinking and it’s not true, it wasn’t his fault, n i dont think that way. also if u blame urself for bad things that happen in ur life this goes for u 2. it wasn’t ur fault ily. <

“Dad,” Tommy said, and the situation reminded him of one too many memes. He could barely take himself seriously despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. “Mr. Minecraft, I threw up.”

Phil jolted up, his wings fluttering along with his eyes as he tried to steady himself. “Tommy? Are you sick? Do you need a doctor?”

Tommy shook his head. It would have been funny if he wasn’t so fucking sad.

“Come here, Toms,” Phil said, holding out an arm, and it was what Tommy needed in that moment, a father, someone who would steady him, someone he could always go to for help, and that was something Phil hadn’t been great with in the past, but he was trying, so Tommy would try too.

And Tommy threw himself onto the bed, curling up under his dad’s wings as he wiped the tears from Tommy’s face and leaned over to turn on his soft bedside light.

“What’s wrong, Tommy?”

“I want—” his words were choked out as he collapsed back into tears, clinging onto the green shirt Phil wore to bed. “I want my wings.”

It was something he didn’t talk about. Not ever. Not when Phil had made him visit Puffy. Not when Tubbo had tried to get him to talk about exile. The tattered feathers and gold scarred flesh were useless now. He’d never be able to fly again, at least that’s what the doctor had said. And Tommy refused to talk about it, even though it was clear to everyone around him. It was right there, this silent mark that showed quite plainly that something had changed. But Tommy never addressed it.

Until tonight. He couldn’t take it anymore, the memories overflowing. He’d taken scissors to his hair in the bathroom mirror to try to keep it from looking like it had in exile. He’d gone far into the woods and screamed until his throat was raw. He’d lived in his armor, not even taking it off to sleep or bathe, for the past week, for fear of being asked to give it up.

He couldn’t do it anymore. Other nights he would have lied awake in bed, maybe staring at the ceiling wondering how long he’d have to live like this, maybe punching the shit out of his arms until they were black and blue. Those were the bad nights, the nights he’d slump out of his room in one of Tubbo’s old oversize hoodies in the morning and pour himself a bowl of dry cereal to eat straight from his hands. He once overheard Techno tell their dad it was like eating breakfast like a ghost. It was understandable. Most of those days, Tommy felt like a ghost.

But this night was different. This night Tommy couldn’t go through it alone. Not again.

Philza held him while he sobbed into his dad’s shirt, the man’s hands stroking Tommy’s hair like he had when Tommy was a young child.

“I was in exile,” Tommy tried to start. But the memories came flooding back, and he felt just as small as he had back then. Just as weak and small and scared and it was like nothing had changed.

“You don’t have to talk, Tommy,” Phil said. He wrapped his arms around Tommy and held him like his life depended on it, like he was the only lifeboat in the whole ocean.

He remembered it, he remembered what he’d done to piss Dream off that much. He’d been flying around, fucking with Dream, bolting off in the middle of his lectures. And Dream had gotten pissed. Maybe Dream deserved to be pissed? Tommy didn’t know.

Tommy could barely even think about it without pain shooting through his back into his wings. The way Dream had grabbed him by the shoulders and shaken him. The fear he’d felt as he looked up at the smiling mask when Dream kicked him to the ground.

It was too much, too raw, too terrifying. Each breath caught in his throat and ripped into sobs as he tried desperately to hold himself together.

“Tommy, Tommy. You’re going to send yourself straight to a panic attack if you don’t breathe, Toms,” Phil said. “Listen to my breathing, okay? Can you do that?”

Tommy nodded, still trying to muffle his sobs, tightening his grip around his dad’s shoulders. He felt weak, he felt small, but this time he at least had his dad there. Phil wouldn’t let anyone hurt him.

Phil took a deep breath and Tommy tried to follow suit, quickly finding that his breathing was shaky and catching a sob in between the shaky inhale and exhale.

“Good, good, you’re doing amazing, Tommy, really.” Phil took another breath and Tommy again tried to do the same, his chest hurting with the effort, his lungs straining against him.

Another breath. Tommy found himself more focused on his dad’s breathing than on the way his own breath caught. Another. Another.

Eventually he was calmer, not calm, still sniffing and wiping his eyes on his sleeves, but he could breathe.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

A long pause. “Don’t be sorry, Tommy.” Philza’s voice was tearful and Tommy couldn’t help but feel bad for making him upset.

“I was just thinking,” he said, his voice was still small, still shaky, but he could speak. “And I kept thinking and then I felt sick and I just… didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

“You never have to be alone, Tommy. You can always come to me.”

Tommy leaned back and stretched his wings out to their full span before folding them back in and resting his cheek against his dad’s chest.

“When I was in exile,” he started again.

“No, no, Tommy, you don’t have to tell me unless you’re sure you’re ready,” Phil said.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I can’t keep it in anymore, Dad, I— I need to say it.”

“If you’re sure,” Phil said.

Tommy nodded. “Dream was mad at me,” he said. He could feel Philza shift, his feathers rustling in anger. “I was fucking around. You know.”

He took a deep breath. He had to get through this. He had to tell someone. And Dad deserved to know. Maybe if he told someone it would be easier, maybe it would make it more bearable if someone else knew what he’d gone through.

Dream punching him to the ground. Dream’s mask smiling down at him. The bruise on his shoulder from the fall. Dream kneeling down next to him like he cared and helping him up. Asking him if he was okay.

“He kicked me down but then he helped me sit up. He said he was sorry.”

Philza began rubbing little circles into his back, another habit he’d picked up from when Tommy was young.

“He, um, he took out a knife,” Tommy said. Even now he could still feel the pain, the way it radiated throughout his body. Like he’d been set on fire, almost. The blood trickling down his wings and onto his back.

“He said he was going to clip my wings. So I couldn’t fly.”

The blood. The blood dripping onto the ground. The way Dream smiled at him like he’d done him a favor. The fucking pain.

Tommy hadn’t said anything. Hadn’t called him a pussy, hadn’t told him to fuck off. He hadn’t defended himself.

“He didn’t just clip my wings. He cut the skin, and it bled, and I didn’t stop him.”

“It’s not your fault,” Phil whispered. He held Tommy closer and Tommy fought back more tears.

“DreamXD came down after a while. He made it stop bleeding and the blood turned gold when he touched me. It didn’t stop it from hurting but at least it didn’t bleed anymore.”

“Tommy,” Philza whispered.

His name being said like that, like it was something worth saying, was what finally made him break. His eyes swum and he wrapped his arms tighter around his dad, muffling his sobs in his dad’s shirt. He’d probably have to change out of it considering the amount of tears Tommy had spilt on it in the past minutes.

“Thank you for telling me,” Philza said. Tommy could feel his chest shake as he hid his tears.

In the darkness of night it wasn’t as terrifying to say how he felt. Normally he closed himself off, not letting anyone even guess how he felt. But this was different. He was sobbing in his dad’s arms after crying so hard he threw up and it was different. And for once, he felt okay to speak.

“It hurt, Dad,” he said. It was all he could say, really.

“You’ve been so brave, Tommy,” Phil said.

“I wish I’d stopped it. I wish I’d stopped him.”

The words were nearly silent in the still air but once they were out there Tommy knew that was it, that was why he was panicking to the point of throwing up. Because he blamed himself.

He blamed himself because it was his fault. He could have fought back, he could have stopped it, he could have at least told Dream off.

“You did what you had to do to survive,” Philza said. The sentence struck him deep in his chest and he tried to hold back the tears, focusing on his dad’s breathing. Because even if it was hard to admit, his dad was right. He’d kept himself alive. He only had one life left but it could have been none. He held onto his dad with all his strength, and his dad held him back, and that was what Tommy needed.

_You did what you had to do to survive._

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr n tiktok r @ocdranboo :3


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